three posts in one!! two semiserious, one serious

In a quick poll, 98.3 percent of the one person polled thinks that the semiserious posts should go first, so there we will begin

Post 1: My parking lot is for parking cars, not leaving shopping carts in or walking dogs. End of story. Unlike some of your fancy city stores, this store doesnt have people specifically supposed to retrieve carts for you, so of course, I have to do it. That said, THERE IS a place where you should bring your cart--its right next to the building so that I can get on with the rest of my job...you know, like getting you your groceries so you dont starve to death.

Furthermore, the parking lot is not for walking dogs or leaving garbage, there are places for both of those as well, and that is not it. I would appreciate your assistance in this matter, or measures will be taken to see that you do.

If the behavior continues, I shall be forced to break both kneecaps of the offender. More joints shall follow. If, after numerous joints are shattered beyond repair, the behavior continues, I shall be forced to line the road with crosses. Those found on the crosses shall be bound tightly, nailled through the hands, their legs broken, but not stabbed (the Romans let Jesus off easy)

Thanks for your cooperation
Noodle


Post 2: People who have recently turned 21 should not buy alcohol from me. There are exceptions, but this should be the rule. It puts to much pressure on me to know the date and most people like that look young enough that it scares me it might be a sting.

As I said before, there are exceptions...here is the list:


He/She will share
She will give me head
He/she will give me money
He/she is a friend
She wants to go out with me
She will do any other sexual favors for me
He/she has a hot sister to do any/all of the above

Noodle

PS I am not being entirely serious about any of this except the final post. The first two are just more idle thoughts passing through this aweful strange mind of mine.

Post 3: Do I have a sign on my forehead saying "Walk all over me, please" ? I am starting to get to a breaking point. Mostly at work, but also throughout my life in general. People keep trying to walk all over me. I bend for a while, I am nice enough and if I just agree to do what they say, they usually dont have to walk all over me.

This said, after a while, people start to push my limits and it really really really bugs me. This was happening today and I came close to snapping. The worst part, is that there always comes a time when I will stand up for myself and stop people from walking all over me, and when this happens, more often than not, the people who are walking over me get upset at the fact that I am not rolling over and dying.

I am going to put this nicely. Fuck you. If you seem to think that I should just give up and be used for a doormat, you are out of your mind. And if you get pissed because I decide not to let you use me for a playtoy, you can just fuck off. It drive me nuts when people do it. So, I repeat, fuck you. Assholes.

Anyways, stop.

Noodle out.

PS Assholes